Whirlwind Days

I'm waiting for the little ones to tumble out of bed. This week has been exhausting. Good days and bad days all rolled into one. I feel battle weary. For the battles seem to wage on here. I want to crawl inside a little boys head and figure out what makes the good days so good and the terrible ones so terrible.

These days are fuzzy and busy. Non stop, sometimes I secretly long for days when they are older and don't need me for everything. And then, there are moments in a day when Kaylin will come up to me for a hug or wants to talk, and Jacob will grab on my legs and whisper a random "love ya", when I watch Maddie so determined to make it up those stairs. And her little bum sticks straight up in the air as she struggles with how to move her legs properly. And then when she makes it, she is triumphant. And I want these moments to pause. To slow done and enjoy them.



And the tempers of yesterday seem not so bad and a new day begins. And we start over. Not knowing if it will be a day that will be good. A day that they will be polite and play wonderfully, or if it will be a day that make me rush out the doors of a public place trying to avoid a screaming temper. A day that bed time does not come soon enough. When I can sip that glass of wine that has been waiting for me all day.



And I'm thankful - for the good days that are squished among the bad. For the reminder that parenting is about both. The days I feel like I've missed a chance at parenting, that I'm in over my head. That I really have no idea what to do. And I'm thankful, that i can turn to prayer and talk to my Heavenly Father, who parents me, and loves me in my good and my bad. In my moments of truth and my moments of shame. Who extends grace to me when I don't deserve it.

And I'm glad, that I have a chance to grow with the kids, and I pray most of all that I lead them and teach them by living an example. That I parent them not only in words but in actions. That they may see in my very life what it means to be a child of God.