Before Drew and I were married I went shopping for a wedding band for him. I found the perfect one, made of titanium. Titanium is not a metal that can be re-sized so I asked about the warranty on the ring. The salesman looked me up and down and said "5 years, you can bring the ring back and have it exchanged any time for a larger size during those years." I was puzzled and said "but its a wedding band". He replied with a raised eyebrow "yaaaa, surely you won't need it longer than that".
I didn't buy the ring, I walked out and bought one from a store that had a bit of a more of a long-term view of marriage. But it showed me that marriage is constantly being attacked even before it starts. This sales person took one look at me, young and inexperienced and assumed that my marriage would fall apart before the 5 year mark.
It hasn't, but I do see marriage struggles all around me. And it is very real. We do live in a world where divorce rates are high and successful marriages are low. Its a reality and one that I believe we need to be aware of. Drew and I are in a fight for our marriage. There are times when we feel like we are winning and times when we feel like we are losing. Its a constant battle that we are faced with, one in which we are constantly being reminded to serve the LORD first, then each-other. We've started doing our devotions before the kids wake up, sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. For those of you with new babies keep in mind that our youngest is now one, this, well, wouldn't have been so successful a year ago:) What did strike me last week, while Drew and I were reading the Bible and the kids started stumbling down the stairs is that this is important, even with interruptions. It starts our day in the right mind frame and the kids are seeing us starting the morning in study and in prayer, with each-other. Reality is last week it only happened 4 mornings out of 7, the week before only 3 mornings. With little ones up through the night, an early alarm clock and little early risers it can be difficult. And yet, I don't look at the mornings that we weren't able to as failures, its simply a season that we are in and something that we are striving for.
Often we find ourselves desperate for uninterrupted conversation. Saturday night we decided to fill the kids plates and set them up in the basement with a dinner camp-out, in front of a Franklin movie. They were beside themselves with excitement as we're a rather strict eat dinner-at-the-table type of family. But sometimes its fun to break the normal routine, and this is one way that it really does get easier as they get older. A year ago we wouldn't have been able to do this, but suddenly we find ourselves with two rather independent older kids who are quite capable of eating dinner and not spilling. We fed Maddie earlier and she played happily in her exersaucer. And us...
well, we sat at a quiet dinner table, lit with some candles, sipped wine AND were able to have an entire meal and conversation with no extra cost and only two minor interruptions. See, money and time don't allow us the luxury of alone vacations and dinner out is saved for special occasions. Our evenings quickly fill up, Drew doesn't have a 9-5 job and as a deacon is often gone at night. Between the two of us its common to have only a few nights in a week that we're home together. And we're content with this, but it does mean being a bit creative at times to make sure we still do get time together. Sometimes its in making dinner a bit later, after the kids are in bed, or a cup of coffee after dinner when the kids are sent outside or to the playroom to play. I believe that it is these moments that help us get through the difficult ones, those moments that are caught here and there during these years of raising little ones. Moments that are used to chat, or to pray, for patience and understanding and the ability to prioritize our time together. And an exciting dinner in front of the tv for the kids becomes a time to connect for Mom and Dad, and it was wonderful.
And the sun is shining and the kids are done playing outside and are, at the moment, ringing my back door bell. Maddie is napping. See - it really DOES get easier as they get older:)
Often we find ourselves desperate for uninterrupted conversation. Saturday night we decided to fill the kids plates and set them up in the basement with a dinner camp-out, in front of a Franklin movie. They were beside themselves with excitement as we're a rather strict eat dinner-at-the-table type of family. But sometimes its fun to break the normal routine, and this is one way that it really does get easier as they get older. A year ago we wouldn't have been able to do this, but suddenly we find ourselves with two rather independent older kids who are quite capable of eating dinner and not spilling. We fed Maddie earlier and she played happily in her exersaucer. And us...
well, we sat at a quiet dinner table, lit with some candles, sipped wine AND were able to have an entire meal and conversation with no extra cost and only two minor interruptions. See, money and time don't allow us the luxury of alone vacations and dinner out is saved for special occasions. Our evenings quickly fill up, Drew doesn't have a 9-5 job and as a deacon is often gone at night. Between the two of us its common to have only a few nights in a week that we're home together. And we're content with this, but it does mean being a bit creative at times to make sure we still do get time together. Sometimes its in making dinner a bit later, after the kids are in bed, or a cup of coffee after dinner when the kids are sent outside or to the playroom to play. I believe that it is these moments that help us get through the difficult ones, those moments that are caught here and there during these years of raising little ones. Moments that are used to chat, or to pray, for patience and understanding and the ability to prioritize our time together. And an exciting dinner in front of the tv for the kids becomes a time to connect for Mom and Dad, and it was wonderful.
And the sun is shining and the kids are done playing outside and are, at the moment, ringing my back door bell. Maddie is napping. See - it really DOES get easier as they get older:)
your life sounds a lot like ours. honey is gone at night often, and the time alone together dwindles. but, it definitely makes it so special when dates happen!
ReplyDeleteSo can relate! I was up early this morning working on a post about marriage. It's been whirling around in my head for some time, and it's much along the lines of this. Marriage takes fighting for. The very core of family is being attacked and we have to always be on guard. Sometimes I just want to pack the kids up and take them to their Mimi and Pawpaw's house, and then run away with my man. Even for just one night. :) It's hard when they are little, but I don't want to have ignored the crucial times and find ourselves in the same mud when they are older. One thing I have discovered: I can't do it within myself. Hubby can't do it within himself. You have to take your marriage to the Cross every single day.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciated this...I am in the "Will I ever get a moment with him alone" stage. But I know it'll get easier as Elinor gets older...we used to just play scrabble and that made a huge difference to our marriage...to have fun and as you said, have a glass of wine together. Something special about it. Always appreciate what you write.
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