Facing Fears

She aced the first day of school.  Her only moment of panic that morning was over what she was wearing.  Her new dress, a present from Oma and Opa for her first day, had been hung out and looked at daily for a week.  It wasn't the outfit she was objecting but the newness of something on a day that was already filled with so much "new".  

She grabbed her worn, favorite shorts and a newish -but already worn- shirt and stood in front of me.  Her eyes revealing that the little girl who appeared to be calm was perhaps not that calm after all.  We rolled with it. She feasted on pancakes and off she went.

The first day being such a success her next school day I walked her to the bus stop. Piece of cake, so I thought.  She was excited, walking and chattering, Jacob and her chasing each other as we waited.  The yellow bus came, looking small at first and suddenly it was stopped in front of her.  The doors opened and she froze, panicked.  I helped her on the bus and together we discovered that there was no seats for her.  Oh there was seats scattered here and there, but not upfront like I had prepared her for, and only with older, bigger kids.  Suddenly the confidence she had shown shattered and finally, I had to carry her off the bus, kicking and screaming.  Terrified. 

For me, the last stop before school, was a huge bonus.  Late drop-off, early pick-up.  For her it became a disadvantage, walking on a bus that is packed with kids.  I cried with her that morning, something I don't do often.  Its a hard thing seeing your child that scared.  She was shaking.  I drove her that morning and got a call in the afternoon that she would not get on the bus and can I please come and pick her up.  These are growing pains for us both, for her experiencing so many "firsts" and for me learning when to encourage, when to push and when to comfort.

The school has been fantastic.  By that afternoon they were already preparing seating arrangements to ensure that all the kids had a spot, with their classmates.  Kaylin was asked for her input on who she would like to sit with.  We're going to try again, not this week, but next week. I'll bring her to an earlier stop with some of her friends, a chance for her to get on the bus when it is not so full and with kids she knows well.  We've been talking about buses and looking at pictures of my first bus ride.  We drew a picture today of how the bus is laid out and where the SK's will be sitting.

Apart of me wants to forget the whole bus and just drive, but I know that for her, this would not be the best thing.  This is a fear that will continue to grow in her mind, and so deep down I know we need to confront it and not give it a chance to grow.  So we will try again,  a little more prepared this time.

And Jacob, he has been loving the two days a week that he gets to be the "oldest".  Thriving actually.  We practice letters at the table, and Maddie helps me work in the garden while he lines up Kaylin's ponies and has them doing some sort of a race/fight.  "A game" he solemnly told me "that Kaylin won't let me play...EVER..".

And since a post feels incomplete without a picture of a certain rather busy 21 month old.....

Have a good week!