Happy and Sad

I don't have much time to post, and yet I find myself torn.  Torn between the celebration of a little boy's 3rd birthday and the celebration of a life lived, a life that has been called Home.  My Uncle passed away Monday afternoon.  It is a blessing for him, for my Grandma, that his suffering is over, that he has completed his race and has finished in glory.  My grandparents were blessed with the birth of a son, the birth of a child who had down syndrome.  Blessed may be a different word for many, but I believe this, that the Lord entrusted to my grandparents a very special son, one who would show those around him what it meant to have a child like faith.  And so this weekend we will gather as family and remember a life that he lived.  It will not be easy, funerals never are, and yet we rejoice because we know there is so much MORE for him.

And today I am focusing on a little boy's birthday.  I look at his baby pictures and wonder how time has passed so quickly.  I have guilt, for there are not many pictures of his babyhood.  It was difficult, very difficult.  He was colicky, and we paced floors for hours with him.  He was sick for a few months, something that we feared was worse than it was.  A flu bug that kept getting him, causing him to lose weight, which is a worry when a baby already struggles to gain.  And yet, through all those months I look back with joy.  A joy of watching a baby grow through this, a joy of learning how to cope and how to work together as husband and wife and help each other through these times.

And its hard to believe that this is what he has grown into.  This year still has not been easy, it has been filled with challenges.  Of tempers and anger and fighting food.  In the past month we have discovered that sugar and food colouring appear to attribute to these violent mood swings.  And on a strict diet he has thrived.  Happy, content, slow to anger.  

And yet, even through the difficult times he has blessed our home.  With laughter, for he is a clown.  His obsession with trains and tractors.  His quickness to correct me when I say, "hey look!  a dump truck", and he shouts "NO!  Its a back hoe" (or whatever it is, I don't but he does).  

He is passionate and does what he wants to do.  He has a character that is difficult to parent, and yet I know that these are good challenges, good qualities for later in his life.  And today we gifted him with a Thomas train.  His little heart was so set on this. He didn't even touch his first present this morning in fear that it was a substitute for what he truly wanted.  Later today I overheard him mumbling to himself "phew, I got thomas". And he walked past me shaking his head. 

And as difficult as this strong willed spirit can be I am so thankful.  Thankful for a little boy who is not afraid to be different and say what he wants.  For a little boy who crawls in bed with me in the morning for a cuddle but already won't let me hold his hand in public.  For a little boy that despite the difficult times has brought so much joy in our house, laughter at our dinner table. Who loves his sisters fiercely and is quick to protect them on playgrounds.

Happy Birthday Jake!  I pray that we are blessed with many more!

Thoughts of Thieves

Its been a busy weekend.  In which my house went from being cleaned to being a mess to back to being cleaned.  You see, on Saturday Drew worked and I had a birthday party to go to with all three little ones.

Sometimes I have mornings that are difficult. I had cleaned the kitchen and the hour leading up to departure was a well, hectic. A little girl emptied out my cupboard.  A little boy got his hands on the painting paper and ripped it to shreds.  An older girl needed a snack.  It was such a whirlwind of getting kids ready that slowly my house was torn apart.  Clothes left in piles as Kaylin decided to change and Jacob put on three pairs of socks, the front closet torn apart while I looked frantically for a  shoe.  Then Jacob decided to do his hair himself and pulled out all my hair product.  Finally I just packed the kids up and left.  Putting the mess out of my mind.

Fast forward three hours.  Drew comes home, forgetting his house key.  He goes into the back yard with the intent of climbing through a basement window.  And he stops, the back door is swinging open.  He peers inside and sees torn paper and the contents of cupboards scattered on the tile.  He cautiously enters,  convinced that there are robbers in the house and he slowly moves from room to room.  Its the only explanation for such a disaster, and when he realizes that there are no thieves (computer still there), he wonders what in the world happened?!!

it really WAS that bad...I've been hearing him randomly laughing all weekend.....

...and I came home from a birthday party a bit weary but ready to tackle the mess I had left behind, and I stepped into a tidy house and a glass of wine....I love him, I really really love him.

on NOT being Mom for a day...

Last Saturday found four moms taking a day off from being moms.  We opted for a touristy area, so we could just wander and browse.  To wander into each and every store without worrying about breakable things and room for strollers.

It was perfect; the weather, the company, the stores and the coffee.

We entered tacky Christmas stores, fun hat shops, jewelry stores.  We drank Starbucks and we escaped.  From the business of life, from little kids and constant housekeeping, from the balance of jobs and commitments and families, and we found ourselves walking along streets like this, arm in arm.  I couldn't help but wonder if anyone could have guessed that there are now 10 children between us?  

Spouses were left to fend for themselves, for mealtimes, bath-times, nap-times and bedtimes.  I got a text from Drew at lunch telling me that they were "doing awesome and enjoy your day".  He knows me well.

It has been years since I've done this and I realized that even though its difficult to sometimes step back from the mommy world, it really is important.  The stresses of day to day life melted off with each hour that we browsed and chatted.  With no little ones distracting us.  There were no noses to be cleaned and no stores to be avoided for fear of little hands touching. As much as I love being a mom, sometimes its nice to escape.

To spend time cultivating those friendships. To eat lunch and dinner together, to sip coffee and walk arm in arm.  To be reminded that even though we have families, we are still young and full of life.  To encourage one another in faith and marriage. To laugh at how ridiculous I look in hats and headbands:)  To just be girlfriends for a day, away from the constant demands and distractions that comes with having little ones.

I came home feeling relaxed and re-energized.  Ready to tackle the jobs that before seemed daunting.

Sometimes it doesn't have to be a weekend getaway, or a holiday, sometimes the break is more in the people you are with than in the places that you go.

Dealing with the Bored

 We found another activity.  She was fascinated.

Toothpicks, marshmallows and an imagination to build whatever you want.  A castle it was this time.

Not really for impatient almost 3 year old boys.....mine just ate them and then cried when there was none left to build anything.....

Have a good weekend!

Moments Like This

I still have yet to sit down and sip wine with hubby but the busy week is slowly coming to an end.  And then life will be as it was.  I think.  Perhaps it never will be slow but there are moments to grab and enjoy.  Like now, when the baby is sleeping and the other two are pouring over Christmas flyers and I hear Jacob inform Kaylin "we can't get EVERYTHING, we can only LOOK". and I'm comforted that my words of yesterday stuck somehow, even though at the time it felt like I wasting my breath.  Greed.  Its in us.  In kids who think hard of toys that if received will lay tossed in the corner after a week.  In parents who dream of new phones and cars and furniture.  When I think of greed I think of landfills.  Full of things that at one time were deemed so important, sought after and now have been reduced to rubbish, forgotten.

And we head into Christmas, trying to teach the children by example that Christmas is so much MORE than new toys and new shiny things.  And all we can do is live by example.  To show them what it means to be thankful, thankful for the worn out coffee table that needs to be replaced, rather than talking only of a new one.  For the kitchen that is desperate for a new coat of paint, for the van that carries us around and is showing signs of age.  To see us not longing after the things in the shiny flyers, but just looking for fun, for there is a difference.

And this week was a bit rough, but we survived.  And in the moments of the sibling bickering that has started there are moments like this.

When I find them laying squished side by side, Kaylin reading a story and Jacob's face showing the traces of dinner.

And then they see the camera and they giggle and laugh, and the feuding over toys earlier has been forgotten.

And this makes my heart glad!

Happy Thursday :)

Managing the Busy

My mind is full of the things that lay before me for the rest of the week and I swallow down panic before it builds.  Drew and I are heading into our busiest week of the month.  Where it feels like all commitments slam into each-other.  It happens, one week of the month where everything collides.  And its just life.  And all you can do is continue.  Move from one thing to the next, give it your best and leave it behind you.

Time management is becoming crucial in our lives, for the quiet days to be used smartly to prepare for the busy nights.  And during weeks like this I find I miss my husband, I miss the quiet nights of last week when we sipped wine and talked.  It will come back, next week, a night here and there.  And those nights are what make these busy ones work. We're learning to be thankful in everything, in the busy and in the quiet.  For there is a lot to be thankful in the busy weeks.  That we are able to be busy, that we can work together and encourage one another.  That we can watch each-other grow in our church community.  That the quiet nights become so precious.  

And so if I'm quiet on here next week it is simply because I am sipping wine with hubby and recovering from this busy week :)

And here's a favorite recipe.  One that is my fail proof for any event that requires baking, church functions, family functions.  Its easy, full of sugar and can be made into squares or cookies.  Enjoy!

1cup margarine

1cup brown sugar

1cup white sugar (I warned you it was full of sugar:)

1tsp vanilla

2 eggs

2cups oatmeal (I'm pretty sure the oatmeal cancels the sugar?)

2cups flour

1/2tsp baking powder

1tsp baking soda

1/2tsp salt

1cup choc. chips

Beat margarine and sugar(s).  Add vanilla and eggs, beat.  Add oatmeal, beat some more.  Add all remaining ingredients (except choc.chips).  When the flour is mixed through, add choc. chips. 

Spread into a greased 9x13 and bake for 15-20 min (until brown at edges)

or bake into cookies and then bake for 10-12ish min (until brown at edges).  

They are wonderful, quick and the crowds love them.  I don't often bake them for just as as we eat them too quickly :)  But they freeze wonderfully....which is also good.  Considering that frozen baking doesn't deter me....

Until next time,

Weekend Randoms

This weekend was full of discoveries.  Like when Drew went to patch the hole in the wall that was made when he re-wired our kitchen lights.  He found Jacob's hidden stash of random toys.

I watched in amazement as the pile continued to grow.  And Jacob's response...."oh ya!". 

I discovered while looking at pictures from halloween how much Jacob looks like Drew.  And how funny it is that the only dress-up item we could get on him was a tool belt, a hammer and a drill.

And this little girl discovered the pumpkin at the front door. She reached her hand in and rubbed it along the sides. And then licked.

oh...soo....sooooo good!

Lessons from King David

The morning came early for me today.  With the cries of the littlest one in the night.  She's not easy to comfort during the night, she doesn't like to snuggle.  So the getting her while still half asleep and tucking her in between us doesn't work.  It hasn't worked for two kids now and I admit that it was easier when it did work.  So when she is up we're up.  I tried tucking her in beside me but she tries to curl up on her tummy with her legs tucked under and her head tucked down and then she'll try doing this on top of me and then beside me.  She stretches out her feet and starts yammering.  By this time she is reminded that she doesn't like being cuddled and is usually fine when I put her back to bed. And then the alarm went off far too early and the other two jumped out of bed,  energy levels in full gear.

For me, these are the hard mornings of mothering.  The constant.  The energy you have to call forward when there doesn't seem to be any left.  Getting out of bed when all you want to do is stay curled up under the warm sheets and sleep for a little bit longer.  But you can't because there are bodies that need to be changed and tummies that need to be filled.  Stories to read and dreams to be listened to.  

And I am reminded of the discussion we had at bible study last night.  Twice a month I meet a group of ladies at our church, it is an all ages type of bible study.  And to me these are the best, when you can glean the wisdom of the older ladies and listen to the zeal of the younger ones and the experience of the ones in between.  Its a good mix and I leave feeling full, being reminded that I need to study more so some day I too will know my bible inside and out.  

We studied Ps 101.  And we poured over 8 verses.  8 verses that I normally would skim through became so rich and full.  A call of how we are to live.  And the words of King David, a man that despite his falls into sin was a man of Gods own heart.  Its a comfort, that this king who fell so many times came before the Lord in forgiveness and repentance.  And God did forgive, and love.  David's psalms are beautiful, they speak of joy and grief, of repentance and life. Its my first time studying psalms, and at first I found it difficult, but through this study I am finding a beauty in them that I didn't see before. I love that, that I can study something that I've read so many times before and still uncover a depth that I failed to see.

"I will sing of your love and justice, to you O LORD I will sing praise." Ps 101:1

And now I'm off to finish my coffee, in the hopes that caffeine will get me through until nap time:)  And last me through a library date with the kids.......